Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
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Saturday, October 8, 2011
Coping With A Divorce
Coping With A Divorce
Word Count:
492
Summary:
In this article I am going to explain about how a friend of mine managed to get through a rather messy divorce and how she came through the whole experience a much stronger person. I hope her story helps other people who have or are going through a divorce.
Keywords:
divorce, love, marriage, children, positive, happy, depressed
Article Body:
In this article I am going to explain about how a friend of mine managed to get through a rather messy divorce and how she came through the whole experience a much stronger person. I hope her story helps other people who have or are going through a divorce.
My friend is called Sue and she married her childhood sweetheart called John when she was only twenty-two. Sue has explained that at the time she could not have been happier and was very much in love. She hoped and imagined that they would spend the rest of their lives together. Sue had met John when she was at school and they had been dating since the age of fifteen.
After the marriage, they then talked about starting a family and before long they were parents to two boys. Sue believed that this was the icing on the cake and left work to bring up her children.
Unfortunately things were to soon go horribly wrong. John started coming home later and later from work and Sue was at a loss as to what was going on. John of course stated that he was only doing his work and that he was working overtime to give his family a better life, especially as Sue was no longer working. In reality John was having an affair with a woman he had met at work.
After a few months Sue found out about the affair and asked John as to why he had seeked the attention of this other woman. He replied that Sue had been the only woman he had slept with and that he felt that he had missed out on the experience of dating other people. Despite the fact that Sue was willing to forgive John, the relationship was soon to end as he moved in to live with his other woman.
Sue was obviously very upset and could not believe what was happening to her. Before long divorce proceedings were under way and Sue decided to put the family house on the market and returned home to live with her parents, the boys of course went with her.
This was a very depressing time for Sue. One day however she was walking through her local shopping precint and saw a group of handicapped children. Sue thought to herself that the situation she was in was only temporary and that she would eventually be happy again, but that these children would more than likely to be handicapped for life. This strangely enough helped Sue to gain the strength and to think positive about the future.
Sue is now re-married and is once again very happy, she still hates her ex-husband however. Sue has learnt a lot from her experience of getting divorced and tries to think in a much more positive way. She has realised that there are many people in the world in a far worse position than what she is in.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Child Visitation - Never Miss an Opportunity to see your Children
Child Visitation - Never Miss an Opportunity to see your Children
Word Count:
545
Summary:
You've decided to get a divorce or maybe even completed the divorce procedures – What about child visitation? Have you planned for this portion of your separation? How are you going to see your children? Or, how do you feel about the children leaving the house to stay with the other parent?
Keywords:
Child Visitation
Article Body:
You've decided to get a divorce or maybe even completed the divorce procedures – What about child visitation? Have you planned for this portion of your separation? How are you going to see your children? Or, how do you feel about the children leaving the house to stay with the other parent?
You both may have made promises to the children, but now it's time the rubber met the road. You must plan for your child's visitation. Where you active with your children, before the divorce? What are they expecting from you? Trips to the amusement park every weekend? Or will it be a boring time spent watching television?
To be honest it really doesn't matter, as long as you spend quality time talking with them and sharing how you are feeling about them. Children want everything to come out right, but that isn't always the case. What you can do more than anything is to let them know that no matter the situation between you and your ex-spouse that they aren't at fault for the two of you breaking up and that you love them unconditionally. Child visitation should be a happy time for both you and your kids.
If you decide to neglect you child visitation and not honor you schedule times and places that you promised you will regret it long term. Remember what you tell you child is the gospel truth to them. If you neglect to keep a promised visitation time or a scheduled event such as school play they belief system may become shattered. If the can't believe their parents, who can they believe?
Establish your child visitation schedule early on. Outline the times you plan to spend with the children. Include pickup and drop off times and locations. In this manner you have defined the expectations of each parent and given the children something to plan their life around. Remember this affects them more than you or you ex-spouse, and communications is the key.
I am a product a divorce and dealt with the child visitation issue growing up. At 10 my parents separated and I lived with my mom. My dad had visitation on the weekends. At the time my dad didn't commit to much and as a result we, my sister and I, didn't visit with him much. He would make a lot of promises that he rarely kept. When I had my child I made a promise that my 'Yes' was yes and my 'No' was no; If I made a promise I was bound to keep it. If I was unsure about a situation; my answer would be 'We will see when the time comes'.
As for my dad, he is constantly in and out of the hospital with a number of ailments. I go and visit and take care of him during his times of need. The love and admiration for him that should be there isn't, because I still remember waiting for him to pick us up and him not showing up for his scheduled child visitation. That was over 30 years ago. If you are separated or divorced and have children don't miss out on this time. They need you more than ever.
Child custody, in and out of court settling of San Diego divorce cases
Child custody, in and out of court settling of San Diego divorce cases
Word Count:
867
Summary:
With the increase in the number of San Diego divorce cases, there comes a complication of the issue of child custody to an extent that could not have been imagined before. A San Diego divorce case does not entail just the problem of the separation of the two spouses,
Keywords:
San Diego divorce,divorce attorney,child custody,divorce,Lawyers,San Diego,attorney
Article Body:
With the increase in the number of San Diego divorce cases, there comes a complication of the issue of child custody to an extent that could not have been imagined before. A San Diego divorce case does not entail just the problem of the separation of the two spouses, but also the division of assets, assigning child custody and handling the taxes in a beneficial way for the divorcing parties. Because of the legal complications of the San Diego divorce cases and the associated child custody hearings, lawyers find themselves getting closer and closer to the separating couple, to the extent of becoming some sort of personal advisors. On many occasions, the lawyer is the only one to be able to properly deal with the complexities of a San Diego divorce. A San Diego divorce can become so stressful that the members of the couple end up losing control of their behavior, especially when child custody is at stake.
The issue of child custody may appear during several stages of a San Diego divorce case. For one thing, given the delicate nature of the situation, the attorneys may advise the couple to settle child custody out of court, so as not to leave the final decision in the hands of a judge that does not personally know the family and their circumstances. However, the question of children can be so hard to agree on, that the parents may just decide to leave it up to the court and then a large portion of a San Diego divorce trial will focus on child custody. According to the judges, the toughest question to settle during a San Diego divorce is precisely whom to leave the children with. Usually, a San Diego divorce and the associated child custody battle will be settled in favor of the mother.
The ruling passed by the judge may not be the final word in a San Diego divorce case though. After the confrontation in court, the struggle of the San Diego divorce can continue unofficially and may even take on violent forms. Especially as regards child custody, things can get rough, as one of the parents may decide to by-pass the decision made during the San Diego divorce trial and kidnap the child from the custodian parent. Although this is not the norm, it can happen that emotionally unstable parents feel the decision of the judge to be so unjust that they have to take the issue into their own hands. The kidnapping is possible because the child will trust the non-custodial parent, so the little one may be taken away without much ado. If there is a need for a stronger confrontation, the threat of fire weapons may be used, which is possible in the case of a San Diego divorce given the extensive availability of fire guns in California.
When the situation gets aggravated to such an extent, it is usually only the divorce lawyer that can intervene. The attorney will first establish the legal framework for getting the child back to the custodial parent. In order to do this, the lawyer will go back to the judge of the San Diego divorce trial and ask for a restraining order against the non-custodial parent, thus emphasizing the danger that he/ she represents for the child. The lawyer will then make use of his professional connections with the police, detective agencies, and the district attorney's office in order to trace the parent who took off with the child. These are resources that are not readily available for the custodial parent. Once the kidnapper parent has been located, the lawyer will try to establish a channel of communication with him, either by entering into dialogue with the kidnapper, or by putting the two parents into contact with each other. If the child is thus recuperated, the attorney has to secure that the custodial parent and child will be protected from the repetition of the deed. It is only after child custody has been thus settled that the San Diego divorce case can be considered closed.
San Diego divorce cases, just like all divorce cases around the United States, have become more numerous and more stressful for the parties involved. There seems to be a larger degree of alienation between the feelings and wishes of the family going through the separation and the results achieved in court. This happens because of the high degree of specialization of the divorce cases, which makes it impossible for the members of the couple to handle the separation and the associated settlements themselves. Because of this reason, all will be decided during a legal case, where -attorneys will argue for the two positions and an unknown judge will pass the final ruling. Not surprisingly, one of the two parties, if not both, will find the resolution of the case suboptimal, or even traumatic. This feeling of frustration, combined with the general high stress level associated with any divorce, may lead to violent acts, such as the kidnapping of children. In this situation again, it is the -lawyers and judges that will locate the culprit and assign the appropriate punishment. The two spouses turn from lovers into warring factions.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Break-Ups And Doubts
Break-Ups And Doubts
Word Count:
234
Summary:
Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up?
Keywords:
life,living,relax,friend,
Article Body:
Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?
After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?
The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don't miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.
Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Are You Prepared For Your Child Custody Hearing?
Are You Prepared For Your Child Custody Hearing?
Word Count:
494
Summary:
Although the courts have the best interests in mind, there can't be anyone more important in making the best decision for their children than parents. Parents should try and settle their Child Custody issues outside the courts. A custody decision arrived on your own with two agreeing parents is more desirable than the one which is disputed a determined by the court.
Keywords:
Child Custody, Child Custody Hearing
Article Body:
The court plays a significant role in determining what is in the 'best interests' of your child. The court considers all aspects including physical, educational, spiritual, emotional as well as preferential requirements of a child, so it makes a study of homes of both parents, along with schools, location, neighborhoods and facilities, before making a decision on custody.
Although the courts have the best interests in mind, there can't be anyone more important in making the best decision for their children than parents. Parents should try and settle their Child Custody issues outside the courts. A custody decision arrived on your own with two agreeing parents is more desirable than the one which is disputed a determined by the court.
Preparing for the Child Custody trial, you should possess certain documents and information related to your children, which will help determine the best interests of your child. It is better if you maintained a record of your children's life about events which affect them, like visiting with the other parent, grandparents, doctor's appointment, school activities, family and religious activities, medical appointments and counseling dates, etc. You should support your position, by keeping notes with you regarding,
1) Parent's Home: This factors determines whether you can provide good surroundings and adequate shelter for your children, the size of the house, neighborhood, availability of help and babysitters, hospitals, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. play a significant role in determining the best one for the child. Though not an important point, it does help make a good impression.
2) New Relationships: This is a comparatively irrelevant factor in determining Child Custody cases, the court will consider this factor if only the relationship makes any impact on the child's well being. If the new relationship does not play any important relationship then this point will not be relevant to determination of Child custody.
3) Status Quo: It is an important factor in determining custody case, if a child's parents reside in different districts, it in unlikely that the court will order to change the residence during the academic year, especially if the child is being properly brought up. If you want a change in status quo, you will be required to furnish a strong reason for this. A good example would be an issue with the current conditions unsafe for the child.
4) Child's Preference: A child's preference is not considered by the court since the court will not give a child to make a decision for himself, however this might not be the case if the child happens to be a teenager and possess enough power to think and evaluate position.
5) Parent's Availability: Full time parenting has an advantage over working full time for supporting oneself. However, the court might not deter from giving you the custody only because you need to work to support yourself and your child.
These are just a few things to consider while preparing for your Child Custody case.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
After Divorce: Seven Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion
After Divorce: Seven Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion
Word Count:
1798
Summary:
Divorce is not easy or fun but you can make it through this hard time by rediscovering yourself and your passions.
Keywords:
divorce, dating, passion, love, relationships, relationship coaching, self improvement, getting through divorce, human behavior, success in life, bad relationships
Article Body:
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.
Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as "super" moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly!
Take a deep breath and let's start to rediscover our true passions and say…Will the Real Me Please Stand Up!
1. Treasure Your Gifts Within
Realizing we are all born as "gold nuggets" is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don't like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent… keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It's already there!
2. Give Yourself A Break
During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. Barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work a few minutes early so you can stop to sit on a park bench long enough to get that sense of the unique and special YOU. Take this time to experience life even for only 10 minutes without feeling like a wife, mother, sister or daughter… simply you!
Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it's O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be!
3. No regrets! No bitterness!
Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the "what ifs" and "if onlys"? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself…are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go!
A quote from Buddy Hackett, "I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing."
4. Enjoy the Little Things
Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the "good stuff" in life happens. Yesterday's worries are gone forever and tomorrow's to-do list can wait. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one's life.
So how do we live in the present?
If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you.
To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it!
5. What Makes Your Heart Sing?
What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them?
Why is it so important to be clear on what your life's purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It's your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood; Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its' own?
When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down.
6. What Are Your Vibes Saying About You?
Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, "What you think about, you bring about" or "The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you." When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Learn to sit still and quiet until you understand what emotions you are feeling. Realize that your feelings and sensations are okay, then learn to listen to what your mind and body are telling you.
Here is a great tip…recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy.
A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy?
First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number one and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy.
Now, to amp up this high energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort!
7. Be True To Yourself
During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn't I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn't feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily.
Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don't want to or have to?
How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this … STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun!
Divorce is not easy or fun and you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the "gold nugget" you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. "You are truly free!"
Advice From A Divorce Attorney?
Advice From A Divorce Attorney?
Word Count:
420
Summary:
I believe that divorce is one of the biggest epidemics in our current society that isn't being recognized or treated as such. As a marriage and family therapist, of course divorce is something that I am passionate about because it is something that I am spending my life to fight against. I am not ignorant enough to believe that I will see all cases of divorce end during my lifetime, nor am I ignorant enough to believe that all divorce cases even should be prevented. I am, how...
Keywords:
divorce attorney
Article Body:
I believe that divorce is one of the biggest epidemics in our current society that isn't being recognized or treated as such. As a marriage and family therapist, of course divorce is something that I am passionate about because it is something that I am spending my life to fight against. I am not ignorant enough to believe that I will see all cases of divorce end during my lifetime, nor am I ignorant enough to believe that all divorce cases even should be prevented. I am, however, perhaps ignorant in my belief that it is crazy for people considering divorce to get advice from a divorce attorney.
Now, most of you are thinking I'm crazy. Who would go to a divorce attorney for advice about their failing marraige? Many people, unfortunately. I had no idea until I began working with marriages and families in crisis just how many individuals and even couples were seeking refuge and advice with their divorce attorney.
I was overwhelmed by my new knowledge for one primary reason. Have people considering getting a divorce forgotten that a divorce attorney is the very last person who will be concerned with them repairing a broken marriage? A divorce attorney makes a living helping married people get divorced while getting as many benefits from the divorce as possible. So why would any nearly-divorced person go to a divorce attorney in hopes of fixing their marraige? Beats me.
My advice to anyone struggling in their marriage is to make an appointment to visit a professional counselor or a marriage and family therapist. The core reason why I suggest this is because in general, counselors and therapists are people who deeply want to see marriages and families restored rather than torn apart. If I am looking for someone to help me fix my car, then it is far wiser to get help from an individual who actually believes that cars can be fixed, right? Of course. The same is true with marriage. Do not go for help to someone who believes that marriages should end easily and for any reason at all. Go instead to a professional who is trained in giving you wisdom about ways to make your relationship work.
A divorce attorney is great for people who are sure that divorce is the option they are choosing. If, however, you are still unsure of your options and if you are still hoping for healing in your marriage, then a divorce attorney is the last person you should see.
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Good Choice: Collaborative Divorce
A Good Choice: Collaborative Divorce
Word Count:
1073
Summary:
We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce -- not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture -- views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.
Keywords:
collaborative divorce, marriage, family, relationships
Article Body:
Authors of Collaborative Divorce
We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce -- not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture -- views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.
Collaborative divorce builds in important protections for children, too. It informs you fully about how your children are experiencing the divorce and what they need to weather the big changes in their family structure without harm. It helps protect your future relationship with your spouse by informing both of you fully -- together, at the same time -- about the financial realities of your marriage and divorce in a way that eliminates pointless arguments about economic issues. It also teaches you and your spouse new ways of problem solving and conflict resolution so that you develop useful skills for addressing your differences more constructively in the future. Further, collaborative divorce
Helps you clarify your individual and shared values and priorities
Helps you and your spouse reach maximum consensus
Includes complete advice about the law without using legal rights as the sole template for negotiation and resolution
Helps you and your spouse resolve serious differences creatively and without destructive conflict
Helps parents improve their ability to coparent after divorce
Builds in agreements about resolution of future differences after the divorce is over
Focuses not only on resolving past differences but also on planning for healthy responses to current challenges and on laying a strong foundation for the future after the divorce is over
Aims toward deep resolution, not shallow peace
Why You Do Not Want an "Old-Style Divorce"
We're confident that, like the people we work with every day, you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the havoc that an old-style divorce can wreak in your lives. Let's summarize the facts you now know about old-style divorce:
It is based on the centuries-old belief that divorce is wrong and abnormal
It seeks to find fault and mete out punishment
It focuses on the past
It is premised on conflict
It is constrained by an arbitrary legal framework intended to resolve matters of right and wrong by the exchange of money
It aims at a deal, not deep resolution
It fails to take into account current understandings of how people are wired, what they need in times of change, what children need during and after divorce, and how families change and restructure
What's more, we know that old-style divorce is bad for individuals, families, and communities because
It's expensive
It's hurtful and damaging
It's "one size fits all"
It deems irrelevant many common concerns that are extremely important to most people because judges can't issue enforceable orders about them
It focuses on the past
It encourages unrealistic expectations on the part of both spouses about what should happen in the divorce
It resolves disputes through competing predictions of what a judge would do rather than focusing on what you and your partner can agree on
It won't provide essential help to you or those you care about
The emotional and social costs are incalculable
Luckily, we live in an era when there is finally a better option -- one that can end a marriage without destroying a family or setting into motion negative effects that can bedevil family members for a lifetime.
Why Collaborative Divorce Works So Well
The reasons why collaborative divorce does such a good job of helping most people achieve their own "best divorce" are simple. Collaborative divorce addresses the financial and legal matters that must be resolved in any divorce, but it does so more effectively because it provides the built-in help of three professions, not just one. The design of collaborative divorce -- with its team of professionals, its systematic attention to values, its emphasis on healthy relationships, and its focus on the future -- takes into account the broad spectrum of what really matters to most people when their marriages end. It considers not only the two spouses but those around them who also matter to the divorcing couple and who will be both directly and indirectly affected by a good or a bad divorce: children, families, and even extended families, friends, and colleagues. It applies what we know about marriage and divorce from the realms of psychology, sociology, history, law, communication theory, conflict resolution theory, finance, and other realms in a very practical, useful, and concrete way.
Collaborative Divorce Deals With What People Actually Experience in Divorce
Unlike any other divorce conflict resolution process that has come before, collaborative divorce teams make constant use of vital information about how people are "wired," how we think, how our emotions affect our ability to communicate effectively and to process information, how we experience pain and loss, how we recover from the end of a marriage, what our children are experiencing and what they need in the divorce, and what the needs of each member of the family after the divorce are likely to be. In this way, collaborative divorce offers constructive, comprehensive, multidisciplinary professional support that responds to the actual complexities of divorce as people experience it, rather than imposing an old-fashioned, limited institutional legal point of view as the sole perspective on a complex human experience.
10 Tips for Self Care During Divorce
10 Tips for Self Care During Divorce
Word Count:
566
Summary:
Divorce is a major stress. Here are tips to navigate those troubled waters.
Keywords:
women, divorce, relationships, stress
Article Body:
What a gift you will give yourself and everyone around you if you are committed and willing to take extreme measures for self care during a divorce. A divorce is a separation from a union and even the most straightforward, uncomplicated circumstances include unforeseen hiccups.
There are plenty of chances to observe who you are in this stressful situation. Healing comes to those who rather than blame life's experiences, give thanks for the growth potential being offered. I know this is a stretch to accept when you are in the midst of divorce, and I'd like you to trust that it is likely to be true for you.
I made full use of the time during my second divorce to really pay attention to how I was feeling. Even in my misery I looked for glimpses of clarity, wisdom, and understanding about what part I had played in the story. It takes two to tango, so you will only benefit from learning more about yourself, seeing where you need to shore up your foundation, and taking action so that a next relationship will be fulfilling in ways that you want. In order to face who you are, to get perspective, it is important to take very good care of yourself, especially during the divorce process.
1. Set up your own space. If you can afford to have a separate living arrangement during your divorce proceedings and it does not interfere with legal requirements for the outcome you are hoping for, find a separate space. If you are financially strapped, create a separate space in the dwelling you share and make it appealing. Buy yourself flowers for the room, get new artwork for the wall, colorful throw cushions, new sheets and towels.
2. Eat healthy foods. Divorce is a stress marathon - use extreme measures in your exercise and nutrition plans to remain healthy, or become healthy.
3. Get outside, walk, walk, walk or run or mosey or amble. This will go a long way to soothing the jangled nerves you are likely to experience.
4. Bitch, moan, tear out your hair, cry, wail, take a breath and then repeat as often as necessary until you get tired of hearing yourself repeat the saga of your breakup and why you are right and your soon to be ex is all wrong.
5. Start a new career or hobby. You will meet new people, engage your creativity and have a new outlet.
6. Understand that this experience will have an end and a new beginning. Prepare to forgive yourself and your new ex and be willing to move on.
7. Evaluate your friendships and make whatever adjustments you feel are necessary. Sometimes there is a need to make new friends and say goodbye to relationships that are fraught with unrepairable history.
8. Daydream about your next partner and relationship. In order to be ready for a new and improved relationship, you need to know what you want and also need to see what parts of you need healing and nurturing.
9. Get reliable, recommended legal counsel. Be prepared for the process to take longer than you thought. Save your energy. You are not likely to speed up the process.
10. Understand that this experience may be an opportunity for growth and insight. Be gentle with yourself, be prepared to make changes in your life and outlook. Get ready for the adventure of discovering yourself.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
5 Ways To Numb The Financial Pain Of Divorce
5 Ways To Numb The Financial Pain Of Divorce
Word Count:
558
Summary:
Whether it comes before or after the papers are signed, economic hardship is all too familiar to many couples who divorce. Following a few financial guidelines can ease the burden during this difficult time.
Each year, 1 million Americans divorce. More than 80 percent of divorcing couples cite "debt and financial distress" as the primary factor in the dissolution of their marriages, according to an American Bar Association survey, and studies find that most families suffer...
Keywords:
debt,debt help,debt reduction,debt relief,debt diet,debt management
Article Body:
Whether it comes before or after the papers are signed, economic hardship is all too familiar to many couples who divorce. Following a few financial guidelines can ease the burden during this difficult time.
Each year, 1 million Americans divorce. More than 80 percent of divorcing couples cite "debt and financial distress" as the primary factor in the dissolution of their marriages, according to an American Bar Association survey, and studies find that most families suffer a financial decline following a divorce. By taking steps to protect credit, families can come through in much better shape. Bills.com, a national consumer finance portal, encourages divorcing couples to take the following steps:
1. Accurately assess debts and liabilities. First, see yourself as your creditors do. Online or by phone, you can request a "tri-merge" credit report (a summary from all three major credit reporting bureaus). Note all of your existing shared and individual liabilities. Settle (or get a judgment) on how you'll allocate these responsibilities.
2. Plan on how to handle your home. If you own a home, the mortgage is likely your most significant monthly payment. Be certain you understand how you'll resolve monthly mortgage payments, and how you'll divide the home's value – whether one partner buys out the other now, or the home is to be sold after children are grown.
3. Budget for payments. Create a detailed budget, based on your new income level, and use free cash flow to pay off debts. Most people find the most efficient way to pay off debts is to first pay off smaller bills – starting with under $100 – then pay off loans and unsecured debt, such as credit cards, beginning with the account with the highest interest rate.
4. Make sure your ex-spouse is making his or her payments. If possible, make provisions in the divorce agreement for reporting on resolution of significant debt. There are important implications for you personally if your spouse does not meet his/her end of the bargain on liabilities allocated through the divorce proceedings.
Call all creditors for shared accounts (credit cards, gas cards, department store cards, phone cards, etc.). Close the accounts if you are not carrying balances, or remove your name from jointly held accounts. Remember that for jointly held credit cards, and for any other debts incurred during the marriage in community property states, you have shared liability – and thereby share any potential negative credit rating impact. This means that if your spouse does not make payments after the divorce, it could come back to haunt you – and your credit rating.
If you owe back taxes, be aware that the IRS does not have to honor a decision from a divorce judgment. Consult a tax expert to help with your divorce tax planning.
5. Focus on rehabilitating your credit and financial health. Begin a savings plan. Reinvest any proceeds or equity that come out of the divorce proceeding, and be especially cognizant of building yourself a retirement fund for the future.
If you find yourself in trouble during this stressful time -- in which you must make many financial decisions -- seek help immediately from a reliable, professional debt resolution firm. Be sure to investigate the company you choose to assist you, and seek out a company that operates for the consumer, which is markedly different from credit counseling, debt consolidation, and debt management firms.
"5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce"
"5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce"
Word Count:
749
Summary:
Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves.
Keywords:
life after divorce
Article Body:
In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.
Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:
Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.
Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!
Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.
Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.
Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.
Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.
Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.
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